Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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