She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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