You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
