Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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