Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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