i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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