I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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