I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
