If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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