I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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