She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
