week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
