Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
