Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
