We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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