Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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