Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Welp...herpes.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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