College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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