Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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