I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
