ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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