Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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