So drunk its hurt
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
