A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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