i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
