i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize