dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
