Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
