I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
