three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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