Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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