Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My cat gives me a boner
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
