woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize