you guys were way drunker than both of me
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
