I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
