he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
