I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
