Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
