Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
