Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
