ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
