You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
