PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
