On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
