I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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