Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
