Ambien. No doubt about it.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
