Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
