anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
