I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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