Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
