I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
