my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
