I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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