she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
