Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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