Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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