i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
