You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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