will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
