Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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