Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Where is the hickey?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
