It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize