I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
