I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
