There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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