Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
