Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
