Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Dick very happy bro
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
