so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize