first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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