Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize