Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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