Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
