I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
