His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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