i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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