i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
