yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Randomize
