i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
