My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
