I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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