That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
