Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
