my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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