I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
