Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
