I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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