five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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