I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
