Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
