Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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