My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
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