Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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