last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
