I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
