You're completely useless in the revolution.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
