Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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