Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
