I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize