woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
