all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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