Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
