Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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