i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
