she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
