we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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