Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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