i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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