If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
