i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I had to cum in my sink.
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