just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
