Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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